My Adventures in Speed Dating: Part II– The Actual Event

Part I is below this post.

So where was I? Ah yes. Hot dogs, horror, staying put.

Waiting was the worst part. We had to wait for the slight possibility that more women might show up. An event that should have started at 7:30 began at 8.

I didn’t know what to expect, and I don’t’ know if this is typical speed-dating format, but I’ll share anyway.

All the women sit at individual tables, which have numbers on them. Everyone gets a card with a list of all the members of the opposite sex. A man sits at your table for seven minutes. You talk. Seven minutes are up, and then he moves on to the next, and then another guy comes by. You rate that man on your card, basically stating “yes” or “no.”

For a few minutes, we just sat at the tables while the guys waited in the front to be told where to go.

My friend, A, thought this was degrading for us. I guess she felt a bit like that line in The King and I where the king says that women are like flowers, stationary in one place and men are like bees floating from flower to flower.

My perception was the exact reverse. I got to sit there and stare at the row of men standing up front, waiting to approach a table. It was a bit like being a rancher picking a new cow at an auction (or is it a bull?)

Finally, we began. It was a relief to start after the awkward waiting. Most of the guys were nice enough—polite, friendly and willing to make conversation. I found myself repeating the same answers over and over again—yes I came here to study but now I work here. I work in PR.

I nodded and smiled and inserted the appropriate “Oh really?” and “oh?” to spur conversation. Bob Edwards would have been so proud.

But there was a horror story, people. A genuine one.

He looked ordinary enough. Slightly chubby. Sun glasses on his head even though we were indoors, in a dimly lit bar. A sort of Joe Pesci-wiseguy-ish expression on his face.

Him: Take off your glasses.

Me: Uhh no.

Him: Do you kiss on the first date?

Me: Wha?

Him: What about the second date?

Me: Uhhh it depends?

Five minutes later he talked about his desire to be a public official a.k.a a politician.

Me: Oh that’s nice. What sorts of political ideas do you have?

Him: Oh a bit of both parties. But I have to say I love John McCain’s foreign policy.

Me: Really?

Him: Yes, he doesn’t believe in surrendering.

Me: Define surrender.

Him: leaving. Also—we’re the greatest country in the world and the greatest empire in the world and everyone has to listen to us.

Me: If the US controls everything then how come countries like India are allying with countries like Iran on energy issues? What about this pipeline between India and Iran—doesn’t it make the US’s opinion on that topic irrelevant.

Him: Oh I think we should just bomb India for this.

Me: (Thinking of the geopolitical consequences of such an absurd thought process AND spluttering)..

Event Hostess: OK, your seven minutes are up!

Him: You should mark me as a yes on your card because I KNOW you want to continue this conversation.

Me: And you would be wrong.

GAG!!

P sat at my table next. (He’s a friend and colleague, for those of you getting here late to the game). He made up a cockamamie story about being Canadian and I claimed to be Bhutanese and we had a laugh about that. We spent the bulk of our seven minutes realizing that we have nothing in common aside from work talk, so in the end we just twiddled our thumbs and decided that our post-work interaction should remain minimal. Nonetheless, we marked each other as “yes” on our cards, because it’s a matter of pride, I suppose.

By 9:30, the event was done. And I was exhausted, talking to all these men. I never realized how much effort it takes to feign interest for over an hour. At some point you just do the nod, smile and space out.

I could have eaten the free wings, but I left instead. I had to change lines, get home, take a shower and watch a bit of Charlie Rose to restore my equilibrium. (God, that sounds so farty).

Would I do I again? I don’t know. It didn’t strike me as a particularly great format to talk to people, although it might be different if I tried this same event in DC. Who knows. At the same time, it may well work for some people and who am I to judge?